i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
