I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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