I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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