worst night to have a conscience
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
