when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
