I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
