I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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