I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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