she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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