wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
