Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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