God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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