I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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