I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
