she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize