her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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