My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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