It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
