Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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