Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
