we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
