One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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