Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
