So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
