'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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