Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
how does that bad decision feel?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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