Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
lol hangovers are for mortals.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
