Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
