She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
