Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
