I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
