I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
