he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
