Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
