I got chris browned last night
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize