party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
