um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
