I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
