everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
