And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize