Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
