every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
