You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
