I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
