shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
