let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
