I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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