Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
