we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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