I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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