If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
