She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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