They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
