Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
