I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
