I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He did a backflip because drugs
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