She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize