I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize