Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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