I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
