Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
