That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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