im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
