I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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