Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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