so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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