the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
