naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
