Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
