Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
