I need help removing her.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
