we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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