He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
