Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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