i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
