Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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