i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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