I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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