Sry I called you an 8
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
