70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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