We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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