Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
