My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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