She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
