you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You need Xanax blowdarts
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize