I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
