I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
