Define "chronic" masturbator.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize