I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
