Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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