Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
