i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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