i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Life is so much better after having sex.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
