It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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