Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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