His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
