I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
