This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
