ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
did you just send me my own nude
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
