I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
