Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
