im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
