Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
