wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize