the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Randomize
