I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
