Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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