3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
