Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
