HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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