Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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