and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
