I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
