i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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