His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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