the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
false alarm, still single
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
